Lessons from Life - Happiness

I hope people wont get put off by the title. No, folks, I am not here to preach on life. I have not got realization sitting under a tree. Nor did I get it from any Guru. Anyway now-a-days even gurus don't teach you the right thing. What I am going to say here is got from my own experience.

Life has taught me a lot of lessons and I was an eager learner. The best one of them was to find happiness in what we have rather than go after it. We realized that real happiness comes form being content. When I say "We" I mean my wife and myself. We have experienced everything together and learned everything together. There is hardly anything that we didn't share. We didn't learn to be content ourselves, rather we were made to learn it.

We were like any young couple, wanting to acquire as many things as possible. Looking at others and wanting to be like them. Seeing what others had and wanting to have the same luxuries in life. We did have the means to do it. We earned well and spent like hell. Credit cards make every purchase possible. But then life is full of twists. There came a time when even the most affordable of things became a luxury for us. We weren't the kind that spends life mourning about what is lost. We decided to find happiness in what we have. We found that even small things, which did not cost a penny could get you so much happiness. The times we spent together, talking, playing, watching our little dear grow up - all these gave us more pleasure than acquiring things. We started looking at people who could not even have these little pleasures. We realized how much happiness He has given us. We were healthy. We had a child who was healthy, happy and lovable. We had friends who would do anything for us. We had family who supported us in our times of trouble. We realised that real happiness comes from these assets and not those tangible, valuable things that we acquire in life. Things that we struggle to buy and show to others, only brought envy in them. They would do a little better than us and then we will need to acquire more, better things. The race would never end. We learned that real happiness comes in being content at what you have and what God has decided to give you.

Even now life is teaching me to be content. I am now in a small town in Tanzania. Here having power for a few hours of a day is a rarity. I know how much I have cursed and sworn when there was no power for even a few minutes. Here I see so many people, not just local people, but people from my own country and state, leading a happy life even when they are in darkness for many hours a day. They have found ways to keep themselves engaged even without the basic amenity of electricity. They have found ways to lead a normal happy life even in these situations. I am also learning. Today I don't swear when the power goes off. I only pray that I have a few hours of electricity to charge my lap top, so that I can write more blogs.

I read somewhere someone saying that he felt sad at not having a good pair of shoes till he saw a man who had no legs. Remember that. Be happy with what you have and life is always beautiful.

I am not vain enough to think that this small blog from me would change the life of many people. But I am vain enough to hope I could bring a small change in some one's life.

So You Think You Can Change

This is the mythiest (OK I know there is no such word) of all myths that many Indians live in. The myth that they can eradicate corruption and have an uncorrupt, people-oriented government just by casting their vote. There are many who still strongly believe in this, including my wife who reads the news and political stories through all mediums. She still goes to vote and we have an argument on every election day. What a waste of time and energy. And a big risk to your life in most states in India. I stopped voting quite a few years back. 

I would call these voters the sincere voter. Let me make it clear that when I say sincere voter, I mean the people who don't get any of those special government benefits like government contracts, caste-based reservation, subsidies or other freebies. The people who sincerely vote for the development of the nation. In short the avergae middle-class, private employed, tax paying, general catagory Indian. The people who sincerely think they can change the way the nation is governed. I pity them.

I am not going to talk about corrupt politicians and MLAs and MPs who are convicted criminals. I am not going to talk about how the Kalmadis, Rajas and Marans find their place in the Union Ministry. In fact I dont want to talk anything about the political candidates or what they do to get elected. So many people have written so many pages about these things till it almost looked like there may not be any paper left in the world. It almost seems obsessive for everybody and anybody to write about corrupt politicians. Thats the easiest part. What I want to write here is about the people who really decide who rules the nation - the average Indian voter

The average Indian voter is a very funny person. By this I mean all the voters who dont fall in the above category of sincere voters. All those voters who belong to a group that will get extra benefit by electing a particular candidate or party. When the government is in force he will criticize the government for everything from the price of onions to his child not getting admission in Engineering college. He reads the papers so intensely that you think he would be a much wiser person in the next election. He is angry at the condition of roads. He is angry at the cost of vegetables. He is furious when he hears that a particular minister has swindled crores of tax payers money. But come elections and everything changes.

If the voter belongs to a minority caste he will vote for those who will bring his caste more benefits. If he is a government employee he will vote for those who promise hike in his DA. If he is a businessman he will vote for the party that will look the other side when he violates laws and amasses wealth. If he is just plain poor and doesnt belong to any group he will just vote for a few hundred rupees. He will vote for those who promise rice at 1 rupee per kg. He will vote fot those who give free TVs, Mixies etc. The poorest of poor will even vote for those who give him a good meal and a bottle of liqour. Sadly the fool doesnt understand that the more he gets the less money is available for any sort of development. But then his memory is so short that he starts complaining about lack of facilities and development once the government he voted for, is in power.

Sadly, my dear sincere voter, the above group forms the majority that go to the polls. These are the people who decide the rulers of the country. Your vote is just a bit of paper that boosts your ego. You think that it is that bit of paper that made someone the Prime Minister or Home Minister of the country. You are proud to think that you voted for someone that would save this counrty. But when the results come and the government is formed you see that nothing is as you thought. Every idealogy and promise is sacrificed to satisfy the masses who really voted them to power. All allegiances are forgotten in the struggle to be part of those in power. Your vote never mattered. Those who you voted for never had the nation, or you, in mind when they sought your votes. 

You still think you can change the fate of this nation???

Two And A Half Women

I know the first thing that comes to your mind is "whats a half woman". I will come to that last because two is greater than half and deserves more importance. Okay enough with the humour. If you didnt find it humorous it is not my fault. This blog is about the two and a half women who are closest to me and influenced me in ways that others have not done. This blog is my way of saying thanks to them for all they have taught me and for all the good they have done to me. Unfortunately I wonder if any of these two and a half will read my blog. The first one is not computer literate, the second one doesn't have the time and the last half has a world of her own. But I am glad just to express how grateful I am to them for being in my life.

Let me start the first one, the first woman in anyone's life. Mother. They normally dont come into your life by choice and many of them regret the whole thing. However I hope my mother doesnt regret having borne me in her womb. I dont know if I could ever thank her for the things she has done to me. Probably if I were to became her mother in my next life I can try to repay at least a small fraction. She is the one who taught the first things in life - to take the first meal, to take the first steps, to smell the flowers and so many things. Probably most mothers have done this. My mother has taught me a few other things which were the guiding principles of my life -  Honesty, simplicity and piety. Though I never understood the importance of these in my youth, as I my hair grew grey or more like stopped growing, I have understood the value of these principles.

The second woman in my life entered my life voluntarily, albeit a little reluctantly. She is probably the best thing that happened in my life. She is really everything that I wanted in a life partner - friend, adviser, playmate etc. etc. But the most valuable thing she taught me was compassion. I was not someone who was given to showing too much kindness to others. I was rather quite selfish and did not hide my distaste at anything or anyone, thus hurting a lot of people. She painstakingly showed how nice it was to show kindness and respect to others. Though it took a few years, her perseverence paid off. I began to feel compassion for others and found out how good it felt. She had made me a little better person than I was. On a more material level she induced in me the taste of good carnatic music. She also taught me the ABC - or should I say 0011100 - of computer operations. I was a total computer illiterate till I got married to her. I would thank her just for making my life worth living.

Okay now coming to the half. She is not half woman as in being a hermophrodite. She is just half woman and half kid even at 19. I am grateful to her for the 19 years of joy that she has given me by coming into this world as my daughter. She could have been anyone's baby, but I thank God that she is mine. Oh yes, I am possessive about her. Nothing could equal the days and nights of pleasure she has given us. Nothing sound better than her first laughter. Nothing is more precious than the first drops of tears that fell on my shoulders. Nothing is brighter than her happy smile. She did these things without the intention of bringing pleasure to me. But the  one thing she did knowingly was to introduce me to the world of social networking. But for her continous chatter about how good these sites I would never have known the pleasures of social networking, I could thank her any amount for this. I wonder if any of you who read this would ever thank her for that. If not for her, you would have been spared the pain of reading my blogs. 

Thanks to the two-and-a-half of you and all you friends out there.

How I Met My Best Friend

The cool morning and the hot coffee did nothing to clear cobwebs in my mind - the result of the many beers had the night before. One look at my brother-in-law told me he was in the same state. Anyway whatever had to be done had to be done. We were here on a mission - to "see" the girl that I may or may not marry. We called up to inform them our schedule. They certainly weren't very pleased. Nobody expected the prospective groom to visit them at 8 in the morning. These were normally scheduled for the evening so that they could get enough time to prepare the girl for the occassion and make enough snacks to fill the accompanying immediate and extended family.

The hurried breakfast we had did nothing much to relieve the throbbing head-ache. We reached the girl's house at the scheduled time and descended the flight of steps leading to the house. The girl's family were pretty much pleased to see that there were only the two of us and the fact that there were no ladies accompanying us. Usually it was the lady in the visiting family who examines the girl to the minute details and asks all sorts of awkward questions. Sometimes they went to the extent of touching the girl and even pulling her hair to ensure that it was real.

As I sat down I looked around to see at least half a dozen pairs of eyes staring at me. They belonged to faces of various ages, sizes, colors and shapes. The introductions were made, which I hardly remember. I couldnt wait to finish the formalities and get back to the hotel for a good sleep. The "girl" came and stood at the doorway of the room and my br.-in-law whispered in my ear to have a good look as if she may vanish into thin air at any moment. I took a good look as advised. They offered to make her sing for us. We declined. My head, with all that throbbing, was certainly not ready for this torture. Her uncle, the patriarch of the house, suggested that the girl and I had a private talk so that we can understand each other. So much for understanding each other in ten minutes, that too when we know that a half-a-dozen people are impatiently waiting for us to return from our little talk, so that they can get ahead with whatever they had to do.

We moved into a small room detached from the house. As was the norm I started the talk with asking what her interests were. Before we knew the dialogue was flowing freely and smoothely. We found out that we shared our interest in Jeffrey Archer's books, M B Srinivasan's music and host of other things. We get into analysing the books of various other authors. We found out we had the same taste in movies. Before we knew it, the ten minutes allotted to us had become a full half-hour. We both suddenly realized that we had not noticed the time passing. We knew that the others must be waiting for us and wondering what was taking us so long to "understand" each other. We moved to the room where the others were waiting. Again as was the norm the boy, that is me, was not supposed to express his like or dislike immediately. This was supposed to be informed to them through someone at a later date. So we left her house soon afterwards.

In the last twenty-one years our friendship had grown strong. Our discussions have moved to various subjects. Today the subjects are more deep. Bhagavath Gita and Ramayana take up more time. Velukkudi Krishnan & Sukhi Sivam have become household names. Cho's political views are analysed and argued upon. There could hardly be anything that we didn't share. There was nothing that we didn't know about each other. We could spend hours together without getting bored with each other. She had become my best friend.

It is also worth mentioning that we got married 45 days after we had first met.