BELIEVERS AND BELIEVERS

I have written a lot about belief in God and what change it brought to my life. I will go one step further and attempt to write my thoughts about believers. I will refrain from writing about the non-believers or atheists as they call themselves, because I never understood why someone should make so much noise about something, which they believe doesn’t even exist. It is about believers that I would dare to put down my thoughts. I seek your pardon if any of you find my writing to be arrogant or impertinent.

Believers, as we are called in general, don’t necessarily fall under one group. On the one end of the spectrum are believers who are fanatic enough to cause hurt and destruction in the name of their beliefs. On the other end there are those who would keep their beliefs to themselves, almost ashamed of admitting their belief in someone whom they haven’t seen heard or felt. But still they believe too, or it helps them in many ways to believe in a power that can do things which they can’t. I would leave the violent kind of believer out of this essay as I am of strong opinion that they shouldn’t even be called believers in God, because God would never want hurt to be caused to any one of His creations. I will only attempt to talk about the other believers, who would cause no hurt to others as part of their beliefs.

All believers basically aim at some form of communication with God. For many it is for seeking something from Him, mostly some kind of material benefit. For still others it is just to keep Him pleased so that their misdeeds are pardoned and they are not made to suffer for their actions. Then there are a few who will not seek anything from Him, but just thank Him for keeping them as they are. Whatever the purpose of seeking Him, we all feel the need to perform some sort of action to show this out. Not that He won’t understand our thinking and need without any action. But it is our need to perform some kind of action, for we feel the need to express our intentions through actions. These actions or activities are generally termed, sometimes wrongly, as religious practices or forms of worship. These practices are what generally come under criticism from various people or groups, if they are different from what they practice.

These practices vary with place, caste, family background and the Guru being followed. There are those who believe in the simple act of standing with palms together in front of God’s idol or picture in their homes, offering a flower or Tulsi leaves. Some believe in Shayana Pradakshinam or Anga Pradakshinam or in plain English rolling around a temple. Some believe in piercing metal objects through their tongue or their cheeks. Some may seek the help of God-men to lead them to God. There are many forms of offerings made to God including alcoholic drinks. All these form various practices to achieve the ultimate aim of communicating with Him for whatever purpose.

The main aim of writing this is to ask whether anyone has the right to criticize any form of religious activity, as long as it doesn’t hurt others in any way. We have seen one or the other form of religious activity being severely criticized in the media or social forums. Ironically, the most severe criticisms come from believers who themselves may be following one or the other kind of religious activity or worship. The most severe criticisms come from those who call themselves the “intellectual” or “evolved” believers. They form a group of persons who have read or claim to have read the scriptures. They take pains to point out that most of the practices are not mentioned in the scriptures and that this is not the right path to God. As we all know the original scriptures, at least as far as Hinduism is concerned, have been interpreted by various scholars and teachers and that these interpretations are not the same always. Nor are they understood in the way they were supposed to be. This being the case what right does one have to criticize the practices of another person? Forms of worship have changed over the centuries to suit the particular period and place. As long as the form of worship doesn’t hurt others, everyone should be allowed the freedom their way of reaching out to God.

Hoping that everyone would be tolerant to others’ practices, I dedicate this at the feet of my Guru, Shree Andaal and Shriman Narayanan.

THIRUPPAVAI - AN INTRO

Let me start this blog with an apology. The heading is in itself a misnomer. I am not knowledgeable enough to give an introduction to Thiruppavai. I am just penning down what I understood from the introduction given by my Guru Shree Velukkudi Krishnan Swamy. I have been attracted to Thiruppavai and its interpretations from when I started listened to the discourse by my Guru. The more number of times I listen to it, the more the joy in talking about it or writing about it. This is the reason for one more blog on Thiruppavai. Of course, how much ever it is being discussed, interpreted or talked about there will be no dearth for meanings and interpretations. It is an inexhaustible well of knowledge about Him and His ways, penned so succinctly by Aandal in just 30 stanzas.

Why did Aandal write Thiruppavai? How could a little girl of hardly 10 years put so much, in such language in so short a poetry? Her life on earth was only for a short period of around 12-14 years, before she achieved her union with the Lord. How did a little girl get so much knowledge? The answers lie in knowing who Aandal was.

Aandal appeared on earth as a little child in the garden of Shri Vishnu Chittar, or more commonly known as Periyaazhvar. Periyaazhvar was of Brahmin birth and did the service of growing flowers and making garlands out of them for the Lord. He lived in Sreevalliputhur in Tamizh Nadu. He is one among the ten aazhvaars who are in fact the human incarnation of the ten adornments and accompaniments of Lord Narayana. Periyaazhvar is the avatar of Shree Garudaththaazvar, the vehicle of Sriman Narayanan. Periyaazhvar has a special place among the Aazhvars in that he is the only one blessing Lord Narayana and praying for His well being, while all other Aazhvars have written in praise of the Lord.

Aandal appeared in the garden of Periyaazhvar on the day of Pooram Nakshatram in the month of Aadi. She was the incarnation of Shree Bhoo Devi or Mother Earth herself, who is one of the three consorts of Shriman Narayanan. The sole purpose of her appearance on earth during the Kali Yuga was to reassure us that the Lord is ever merciful and that once we totally surrender ourselves to Him, He will certainly lead us to salvation, notwithstanding the sins we may have committed. This is what Lord Krishna had promised to Arjuna in The Gita – that, He shall pardon our sins and lead us to salvation.

From a very young age Aandal was filled with love for the Lord, the knowledge in her soul that she is the consort of Lord Narayana Himself, expressing itself as love for the Lord.

It was Periyaazhvaar’s daily chore to pluck fresh flowers from his garden, make them into a garland and dedicate to Lord Shree Rangamannar. One particular day he saw that the garland he had made for the Lord was worn by Aandal. He admonished Aandal, made a fresh garland for the Lord. The same day Lord appeared in Aazhvaar’s dream and advised that he should not to get angry with Aandal and that he shall be adorned with the garland after being worn by Aandal. The Lord continued to tell Aazhvaar that Aandal was born to be united with Him and that He shall accept her at the right time. Every day, from then on, the Lord was dedicated the garland that was worn by Aandal. She came to be known as “Soodi Kodutha Nachiyar”.

Meanwhile the love of Aandal for Shriman Narayana was so intense that it struggled to find a way of expression. It was at that time she heard from a religious preacher that during the time of Krishna the women of the cow-herd clan had observed a period of fast and asceticism praying for union with Krishna. Aandal decided that following the same rituals would somewhat give vent to the intense feeling of love that she felt. In her mind and in her actions and behavior Aandal had become a woman of the cow-herd clan. Her imagination manifested itself as the divine poetry Thiruppavai. Through Thiruppavai Aandal not only tells us the procedure of the fasting period but also on how to worship the Lord and what we shall seek of Him. She goes on to conclude that the only aim in our life should be that of serving Him at all times and seeking salvation. By portraying herself as a woman born in the cow-herd clan, without any knowledge of religious procedures, she aims to tell us that the Lord does not expect us to be of high spiritual knowledge to grant us His blessings. All one needs to do is to surrender to Him unconditionally, and to Him alone.

Thiruppavai consists of 30 stanzas, which can first be divided into two parts – one of 29 stanzas and another of the last one. In the 29 stanzas Aandal portrays herself as a woman of the cow-herd clan. In the last stanza Aandal reveals her true identity as the daughter of Periyaazhvar and tells us that reading the Thiruppavai daily can in itself get us His blessings. In the 29 stanzas Aandal tells us of the Lord’s greatness, His mercy, His love for us and His mastery over all things. She also tells us how we can seek His favour and what we should ask of Him. She assures us that once we have admitted our inability to perform without His guidance and help, and once we have surrendered ourselves to Him, He will take it as a duty to protect and guide us.

The above, totally inadequate, introduction to such a divine creation was not in any way to show my knowledge. It was just a manifestation of my love for the Lord and my respect for Shree Aandal. I seek pardon at the feet of my Guru and Shree Aandal for all the deficiencies in my writing.

Let me conclude by paying obeisance at the feet of my Guru, Shree Aandal and Shriman Narayana.

MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY - ATHEIST TO BELIEVER

I was neither born to atheist parents nor was I brought up that way. My parents were strong believers and regular visitors to temples. I can still remember the daily prayer sessions at home and my parents’ daily visits to the nearby temple. At some point my father had stopped his daily visits, though I won’t say he had turned non-believer. He quoted our scriptures which said God was present everywhere, as an excuse to his change in routine. However our annual visits to Sabarimala didn’t stop. I had been visiting temples regularly till sometime during my first year at college. My father gave enough freedom to us children to decide on our practices in this regard.

I don’t know when or what changed me from believer to non-believer. It certainly wasn’t any major incident that made me not believe in the Supreme Power. There certainly wasn’t any ideology that turned me away from God. Over time the feeling came to me that there couldn’t be one Supreme Power who could control everything in the universe. Certainly not one who could be pleased to do things in our favour, nor angered enough to create misfortune for us. It was not that I believed it was all in my power to carve a path to my future. I believed there were too many things that were more powerful than the individual, including one more educated, more affluent or more physically powerful individual. I strongly believed that anything that happened in this world was a result of a combination of forces, that of human beings and / or that of nature. As this idea took root in my mind I also started analyzing incidences in a rational way. I argued that I didn’t have to believe or accept anything that either I have seen or has been recorded with proof. I remember vividly one discussion with a friendly doctor who put forth the argument that the only proof to who my father was, is the world of my mother and so how could I be sure that the person whom I call father is really my father. I retorted saying that I was least bothered who begot me, but would accept the person as father, whom my mother said, was my father. I said I would believe what I see rather than something I can’t see or hear or know with proof. People called me an atheist.

Even during my period of non-belief I had visited temples occasionally. One such annual visit was with my dear friend who insisted on visiting the temple on his birthdays and took me along. I went along because the visit was followed by a good dinner in celebration of his birthday, of course paid by him. My other visits to temples were during annual temple festivals. I loved the festive atmosphere, the beat of drums and more importantly the gathering of young females. Another religious activity, if you could call it that, was the annual discourse on Bhagavat Gita by the great teacher and philosopher Shri Chinmayananda Swamy. The philosophy of life, as explained in The Gita greatly attracted me and influenced me. The one thing from The Gita, which got etched in mind, was that our want or love for something was the basic reason for most kind of miseries in our life. It only helped reiterate my feeling that any Supreme Power could not help us when the cause itself lies in us and in factors that affect our life. Even during those periods of non-belief there was one thing that I always noticed and remembered – the peace of mind and calm that I experienced when I was inside a temple. The rational part of my mind attributed this to the general feel-good atmosphere of any temple, especially Kerala temples - the silence, the pleasant smells and a sense of purity.

It would have served as good reading for my readers if there had been one major incident or even better, a calamity, in my life that turned me from non-believer to believer. There just wasn’t, or at least I can’t remember of anything of such nature. Life was good to me even during those years of non-belief, barring a few unpleasant incidents that occur in anyone’s life. I had seen in many movies telling the story of God, showing how a strong non-believer (usually a drunkard with all bad habits and behavior) is saved miraculously from a major accident or death by God, then turns to be a staunch believer. I didn’t believe in those stories then. I didn’t believe all atheists were “bad” characters – at least I was not one. And I believed that such persons don’t deserve to be saved either.

There were no dramatic incidences that turned me from a non-believer to a believer in God. There were a few favourable happenings in life that I could not explain using my logical mind. I also cannot deny the big influence my partner in life had, in starting this change. Hearing about Him, visiting temples with my wife, watching Mahabharatha and discussing about it, all had an influence in me. I had become curious about Him and allowed a small space for Him in my mind.

It would seem hugely funny to believers that I thought I had allowed Him a small space in my mind, when He is omnipresent and omnipotent. But then listening to my Guru Shri Velukkudi Krishnan’s discourse on Thiruppavai, I realize what I had done. I had stopped denying His access to me. Like my Guru says, the most-merciful and kind Lord just needs us to stop denying Him from helping us. Once we do this He takes it as His responsibility to guide us, help us and lead us to salvation. It may sound absurd, but most of us do it without even realizing it. As Krishna himself says, even his close friend and disciple Yudhishtira in his mind had wished that Krishna would not be there to see him play the game of dice and place his own brothers and country and wealth as stake. There are many times in all of our lives that we wish foolishly, knowing very well that it is not possible, that God won’t witness our wrong-doings, thus preventing Him from helping us. Not that His kindness would let Him let go of us like that, but then He will wait till we realize and seek His help.

As always I turn to Thiruppavai and my Guru’s explanations on it. In the 28^th Paasuram Aandal refers to going after the cattle (கறவைகள் பின் சென்று கானம் சேர்ந்து உண்போம்). As to why Aandal refers to going after cattle is because Krishna Himself when questioned about his love for the four-legged gentle creatures, explained that they never prevented Him from going behind them. The meaning being that as long as we don’t deny Him from guiding and helping us, He will take care of our well-being.

Many might ask me what I have gained by turning into a believer. I have not gained riches, nor have I gained fame and status. But the change has taught me to realize that He is there to help me and guide me when He sees the need. It has taught me not to gloat over success or despair in times of failures. The change has brought about peace and happiness which otherwise I have never experienced.

I cannot end this without thanking my Guru Shri Velukkudi Krishnan Swamy for the little knowledge that I have gained, Aandal for giving us the Thiruppavai and the Lord Himself for giving me the chance to associate myself with both the above.

MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY – WHY THIRUPPAVAI?

My spiritual journey may have started a few years ago, with regular chanting of prayers, visiting temples and observing fasts and other things associated with spirituality. I had realized that God is the supreme power and He was he only one who could bring about any change in our lives. And that He was responsible for any incident in my life. However the ‘He’ took many forms in my mind, including that of Goddesses, but always convincing myself that there cannot be many Gods, and that these were all various forms of the one Supreme Lord. From very early in my life I could never agree to the existence of many Gods. However my whole perspective about God and prayers changed drastically when I started listening to understanding Thiruppavai as explained by my guru Shri Velukkudi Krishnan.

Somewhere I had read that God cannot be limited to any one form or name, because that will mean limiting his powers to that extent. This was what convinced me that the various forms are just how He appeared to us under various circumstances to undertake various duties to save the world. This is one thing that got a confirmation from my guru Shri Velukkudi Krishnan’s discourse on Thiruppavai. That He appeared in the form of Narayana as we know only so that we can fit Him into our imagination and thought. The thinking of One God also crystallized into one name and its various alternates. Listening to my guru’s discourses cleared the confusion in my mind as to which form of God to worship for what reason. He clarified that praying Narayana in any form will give the same result.

But this was not the main change that occurred in me. My whole perspective about God changed with my understanding of Thiruppavai. From a powerful master who stood at a distance, whom we waited to hear our voice and prayers, He turned to be the most benevolent. He became the one who waited to fulfill our wishes, to give reprieve to our sorrows, to guide us in times of crisis and to somehow attract us to Him so that our souls get liberated. Through Thiruppavai Aandal convinces us that as long as we don’t deny Him the opportunity to help us, He will always be there, taking care of us.

In the 28^th Paasuram of Thiruppavai, Aandal, portraying herself as a woman from the cow-herd clan, is seen telling Krishna that she is ignorant of any religious procedures and her only virtue is her being born in the same clan as Krishna himself. Aandal, as the incarnation of Shree Bhoodevi and brought up in this birth as the daughter of the pious Brahmin Periyaazhvar, cannot be ignorant of prayers or religious procedures. But in Thiruppavai she has assumed the role of a cow-herd woman and feigns ignorance only to show us that the Lord doesn’t expect anything else from us except a total surrender to Him. Aandal goes on to tell Krishna that here she is, surrendering herself at His feet and requests that He grant His blessing for her service.

Aandal has penned Thiruppavai with the only aim of telling us that even for the uninitiated one, the Lord is accessible and showers His kindness. He offers salvation even if we don’t have any virtues, but surrender ourselves to Him. His appearance in this world in various forms is in itself a kindness shown to us earthlings. That He, the most powerful, the most sacred and the most pure, should decide to appear on earth and live among us mortals, is proof enough of His love for us. All his appearances have been to show us by example of how we should lead our lives.

He gifted us the Vedas and knowing very well that we humans, due to our karma and life on earth, will not lead the life that the Vedas prescribe, decided to appear on earth. Not seeing the desired changes, He gifted us such Gurus and Acharyas like Sankara, Madhva, Ramanuja and the various teachers who followed their path. He gave us the Aazhvars who penned the Divya Prabhandams for us to read and understand and learn to love Him. At the height of his kindness Lord Narayana declared that the mere chanting of His names is enough to liberate our souls. The thirty stanzas of Thiruppavai gifted so kindly to us by our Mother Earth Shree Bhoodevi, in the form of Aandal all point to this one fact. Love Him and Chant His Name – and you shall be liberated. Ask Him for nothing but the opportunity to be of service to Him. Thiruppavai is written in a style that is simple and easy to understand, and hearing it explained by my Guru Shree Velukkudi Krishnan, cannot but bring us closer to the Lord and make our hearts melt knowing His kindness and love for us.

Pranaams at the feet of my Guru Shree Velukkudi Krishnan, ever-so-kind Aandal and at the feet of ever-merciful Lord Narayana.

My Spiritual Journey - Aandal and Thiruppavai

For many years, or should I say till two years ago, the month of Margazhi meant nothing more than pleasant weather in the otherwise throughout the year hot Chennai. The month also meant celebrating the dawning of a New Year. It was only from the second half of year 2012 that the month of Margazhi started signifying something more than just the above. Something relating to spirituality. Something to do with God and way to reach out to Him. Something that taught me that there was path open to me, which I had not seen for so many years, that I should take to understand and love my creator and master the Lord Narayana Himself.

As with most people I had my own stint of being an atheist, that too having been born in a fairly religious and God fearing family. But then I turned to God again after the brief period of non-belief, partly due to a life partner who was spiritually inclined. I looked at God (or should I say Gods as we have many) as a power that could control us, that would give us what we wanted if asked in the right way. But one thing I never believed was that he could bribed by a few coins in the donation box in temples or a few offerings made in return for favours curried. But I did believe in various fasts, prayers and regular visits to temples. I prayed daily and realized that it did give me a mental strength to weather any adversity. But even then God was someone who I placed on a high pedestal and looked up at someone who was there, but always out of reach for me and more as someone who operated at an impersonal level, handing us favours or punishments based on our actions and prayers. Never did I consider Him as someone who was guiding us on a day to day basis, with an immense amount of love and kindness. Though I prayed daily, He was always someone to be kept faith on and obeyed. All this and my object of prayer changed with a suddenness that surprised me.

Even before the changes started the indications were there, but I realized it much later, thanks to my ignorance about His ways. I was an ardent devotee of Devi Parvathi, more specifically Madurai Meenakshmi Amman for quite some time. She had occupied prime place in my prayers and in my thoughts. Before my leaving for Tanzania in June 2011, it was my strong wish to visit Madurai and seek the blessings of Meenakshi Amman for my new job and new location. However I realize later that things would not go as per my wish but as per His plans for me. Circumstances prevented me from visiting Madurai. All my plans changed and I had the fortune of visiting Guruvayoor and taking the blessings of Shree Krishna. My mind still was plagued with guilt for not having paid respects to the Goddess that I considered my own mother. But then I thought maybe that was Her wish and proceeded to Tanzania, where I remained a devotee of the Mother Goddess, keeping as much faith in Her as before.

I have read and heard said that when we seek a Guru with all our hearts and if He wishes so, the opportunity will present itself. It proved very much true in my case. I started listening to  the discourses on Thiruppavai by Shri Velukkudi Krishnan Swamy. Listening to the same discourse couple of times made me place him in my mind as my Guru, though I doubt whether he would have accepted me as his disciple, ignorant that I am even about the daily procedures I am expected to follow as a Brahmin. But he remained in mind as my Guru and mentally I offered my prayers keeping him in my mind.

It was quite evident at that time the He was taking me on a path I had not travelled before. Making me listen to Thiruppavai repeatedly was just one of His ways. At the same time the opportunity was presented for me to be an active participant in weekly bhajan sessions by the local ISKCON units, often the same being conducted at my residence. I had not been one to enjoy bhajans, or for that matter even crowd at temples. I preferred to pray alone whether at home or at temples. But I started enjoying the bhajan sessions and I understood why my Guru insisted that devotees pray together. The positive energy was palpable during the sessions. I started understanding the meaning of what Aandal says in Thiruppavai – கூடியிருந்து குளிர்ந்தேலோரெம்பாவாய்.

What attracted me most to Thiruppavai is its sheer simplicity. I had been trying to gain knowledge about spirituality and God through various sources. But Aandal, the incarnate of Lord Bhoodevi, herself possessing immense knowledge, chooses to play the role of one born in the clan of cow-herds, insisting at various places in the poetry about her ignorance of anything spiritual. It is Aandal who showed me the true meaning of what Krishna said – to leave everything and surrender to Him completely. It is Aandal who teaches us that once we have surrendered fully to Him, He will take us under His wings and give us what we need. It is from Thiruppavai that we learn that His love for us is much greater than our love for Him. It is in Aandal’s 28^th Paasuram that she tells Krishna that she is an ignorant woman, the only merit being that she was born in the same clan as Krishna and have surrendered herself to Him completely. And she says now it is His turn to show His love for her and grant her the aim of her life – to be eternally in the presence of the Lord Himself. It is Aandal who taught me that all I can do is wish, but all actions will be done by Him through me. It is Aandal who taught me that the only thing that can give salvation is total surrender to Him.

Thiruppavai and Andaal, through my Guru, turned me from believing and fearing God to loving Him with all my heart. I learned, albeit so late in my life, that He, as the owner and master of my soul, is keener about my well being than me myself. From a believer in many Gods and demi-Gods, I have turned into one with an unshakable faith in Lord Narayana and his kindness and love for me.

It will be a mistake on my part to end this blog without offering my immense gratitude to my Guru Shri Velukkudi Krishnan, the kind Shree Andaal and the all-powerful, ever-loving Master of my soul Shreeman Narayana.